Sunday, July 12, 2009

Overheard in the Mall

Oh the mall. I used to LOVE it. Used to beg my Dad to take my friends and I there and then beg him to disappear because OMG, we can't be seen with our DAD in the mall- what dorks! *eye roll*

That's about the last thing I want to do these days. Now I find myself researching what I want online, find the store that has it, go to only that store, hit up Aunt Annie's, and I'm outta there.

I'd still go with my Dad if he wanted to go shopping and I'd even let him walk next to me. Come to think of it, he's pretty tall, used to get a death-grip on my hand, and skip while singing his "Laner McBainer, the Wild Animal Trainer" song (A Lainie's Dad Original) much too loudly. He might still have to walk a few paces behind...

My 4yo son and I went to the mall today to go swimsuit shopping since mine got ruined this week in an unfortunate wet-bag-hot-car-runny-dye incident. It got to the point that he was holding my skirt and saying "Oh Mom, please no more" and trying to stop me from going back into that fitting room, again. Too bad Bucko, I wasn't leaving without a new suit! I was armed with pretzels and fruit snacks since I knew this would take forever. I finally found 2 swimsuits, BOTH on clearance, under $10 each piece, and all in less than 2 hours (Poor kid!).

We also got some great people watching in. For example, there's this massage booth thing in the middle of the mall. You look down on it when sitting at the Aunt Annie's tables on the level above. It was called Happy Hands or Magic Hands or Only Wanna Rub Hot Chicks Hands, I forget. This little older fella and his super hands got to work on a middle aged guy. As Mr. SuperHands is massaging, he is stopping constantly and waving over pretty women for massages. (Not one took him up on this offer.) If I were Mr. Face-Stuck-In-Massage-Chair I'd have told Mr. SuperHands to pay attention to the paying customer and get to it. Mr. Face-In-Chair kept texting and I was imagining he was tweeting all of this and laughing to myself. I watched this for a long time as it takes roughly a decade for my son to eat half a pretzel.

Even better than just people watching... is eavesdropping.

"SHE's probably the one spreading the STD's everywhere! Crabs and the Clap!" -- I caught part of this lovely conversation between 2 employees while I was RIGHT there. Ew. I left before I caught something.

"That's what kids do these days. They go on dates and they have sex. What else is there to do?" -- This was between 2 boys that couldn't have been older than 13. It was disturbing. I wanted to eavesdrop longer but David wouldn't walk fast enough.

"Shit girl. I woke up in his bed and I don't think the sheets have been washed in a year. No I'm not drinking tonight." -- Again, EWW. Do people not realize that just because they are alone in their little fitting room that we can still hear their cell conversations?

"I saw your butttt! I saw a ninnieeee! Does Dad have ninnies? Does Grandma have ninnies? Does Grandpa have ninnies? Does Aunt ____ have ninnies? Does Kristin have ninnies? Does ________ (x 100) have ninnies? Look! I have ninnies!" -- this one was my very own son, in the fitting room. He's way interested in nipples lately. I wonder if someone's blogging about our conversation right now.

3 comments:

anicia said...

Too funny. People are such weirdy's sometimes.

JustJaynes said...

OH that's sooo funny!!

Sarah_Momto4Boys said...

It's crazy how as we age our favorite pastimes become chores, or at least our objectives are different enough that our teenage selfs would have rolled their eyes and said "whatever" if we told them. Mine personally probably would have kicked me in the shin.