In the Words of David -- Ta La!

Here it is! Finally, a better picture of a great bag! Gini's Bonnaroo Bag! I love love love it! She's lucky I like her so much, I realllly want to keep this one! It's got such a bright, springy feel to it. Yesterday I was almost convinced that it might actually be warming up here. It was 50 degrees at midnight! That's like summertime! Today it's back down to 2o-something and it just started snowing. I shut the curtains. I'm pretending that this is not really happening.

I'm so tired today. Ever have a friend go through something, that you've sort of been through yourself, but it's the sort of situation where you can't just show up and give her a hug and tell her everythings going to be ok? A dear friend of mine had her baby last night! I'm not exactly sure what her weeks were, but I think she was around 26 weeks. Baby Ayden weighs 2 lbs 8oz! That's so so so very early though. I remember having preterm labor at 21 weeks and spending the next 12 wks desperately trying to keep David in. Why are these boys so impatient? I don't know what hospital she's at, what room #, nothing. I just can't stop thinking about the 2 of them today and I hope they are ok.

When I went home after having David, no longer pregnant and not able to bring him home with me, I felt so empty. I also felt like a failure after 10+ weeks of bedrest and meds and I still couldn't stop myself from going into labor. I was completely engrossed in thoughts of my baby and what I would do without him if he weren't ok. It was dreadful. The happiest experience of my life was plagued with fear and sadness. I spend hours and hours in the NICU holding my tiny baby to my chest, petting his still furry little back, and telling him all about his new family that he'd meet as soon as I could get him outta there. I remember my heart feeling like it's stopping right then and there every time his alarms went off. Just typing this it's like I can hear those alarms all over again.

The most important thing anyone said to me after I was home and alone without my baby, was my mom, reminding me that she had been there as well with my twin sister and I. We were at different hospitals and I didn't come home for 6 weeks! My sis waited another 2 wks after that. It was comforting to know that someone else understood my heartache. It's a tough time becoming a mom to a preemie, but God won't give you more than you can handle. It was a true test of strength. That strong sense of protection that came over me as soon as he was born was overwhelming. I'm so very lucky to be watching my now 4 yr old thriving today. I need to change the subject before I short circuit my laptop with my tears.

I got some new fabrics yesterday! I found a fabulous Alexander Henry print at my local fabric store. I didn't even know they carried A. Henry! I only bought a 1/2 yd. since I've been spending insane amounts of money on fabric lately, I seriously need to chill. Next time I go, I am bringing $10 and no debit card. I'm tryin to save some money to go to Ohio in April and see my best friend. That's not going to happen if I don't tear myself away from the fabric store! I started making all my Slapdash items with scraps and now it has snowballed into an almost major investment. So I've got 6 wallets to sew tonight along with my very own Bonnaroo bag (YAYY!)!

Blogger... are you listening? When I type a space, put a damn space. Don't make me edit my post 800 times to still have it be wrong. It's just a space...